I must admit, currently I am overcome with emotion. An emotion that digs deep into the trenches of my heart and is filtering out an ambition for equality and oneness. A tenderness so passionate that I cannot control the tears in my eyes and the lump in my throat begging to evict itself of my body. The innate sense of direction leads me, and it leads me to want to write more. It is leading me to want to speak with people, to converse with them on an intimate level, to understand who and what they are, feel their emotions and journalize their passions. I can’t think of a place in my personal and communal society where a certain individual hasn’t shaped who I am today. I can’t think of a place in my historical and preceding society that hasn’t shaped who I am today; giving me what I need to breathe and eat – these things that give me nutrients and knowledge and wisdom. These abilities to even consider that there was a time before me in which…I simply didn’t matter. My words, my thoughts, my knowledge, my being – just simply didn’t matter.
The abilities I have now are empowering. I have, at my fingertips, that ability to speak to the world. They ability that I can, without lawful retribution, express myself as I see and feel needed. That I can move those who wish to be moved. That I can speak for myself and allow not another person to dictate what I wish to decide for myself. You see – I cannot be disturbed or terrorized by any one particular person or group any longer. I cannot and will not be demonized for what you perceive me to be. And I cannot and will not be disgraced by the hands of those who misunderstand nor do not wish to understand me. The surface of this world is not mine to control, but the working of the superficiality starts with a passion. The workings that go deeper than superficiality, the workings that dig into the seven layers of well-used skin and drive into the muscle that manifests the incalculable possibilities of the human sensibilities that we each withhold.
No longer will I hang my head in doubt or disappointment. No longer will I bite my tongue for refuge or pleasurable attention. No longer!…will I stand here and allow you to intimidate me in whichever way you please. I cannot comprehend your destruction and inhumane practices. The only thing that rattles and awakes me is the unity and oneness amongst ourselves. The jarring reality is, is that there is not a single thing you can take from me that I won’t allow you to take…
This is a chance I took, my blog. It’s developed in six months far more than I thought it would. I’ve gained new followers and – dare I say it – friends! I feel like I’ve connected with all of my readers on some level. I wanted to take a moment to say a very heart felt “Thank you!” to those of you who follow me, and even those of who you do not but stop by and let me know your still looking from a distance.
In four days, my blog will be six months old. It’s young and still growing, but it really is a living and breathing thing. It takes time, love, and a lot of moments of your life to develop something your passionate about. Each day I reflect, my readers are a big reason I continue coming back. Not only have I developed an intense passion for writing, but my readers have helped me feel welcome in the world of writing and self-expression. The conversations I’ve had, the friendships I’ve developed with such wonderful people, and the reading I’ve been doing on others blogs is all like the dollop of vanilla ice cream in my root-beer float. It really makes it so worthwhile, because let’s face it – what’s a float without the ice cream?
I wanted to thank my readers first of all and give some support to new bloggers, writers, and the like because there are so many varieties of people here. You can do it, trust me. When you think there isn’t anyone who will listen, someone will be there. Your writing isn’t just bathroom material, it gets people up in the morning – revitalizing them and getting them ready for their day. It’s comforting those who think they’re the only one’s on the face of this earth that can’t comprehend that someone else shares the same thoughts. It’s the support the girl who’s going green needs to keep up her endeavors. It’s the humbling refresher for the woman who’s been divorced for over ten years because she is not alone – and many find her quite funny. It’s the young couple that’s taking on more than they can chew but they’re doing it in stride. It’s even the the guy that has more opinion’s than the law allows, whether you’d like to hear them or not. But mostly, it’s everyone’s story. It’s everyone’s chance to let the world into what it is that they do, and it really means a lot.
So this is me saying a big THANK YOU! to everyone who reads, follows, aspires, or is expressing themselves in what ever ways they can. Because… In the end, the only regrets we have are the chances we didn’t take…and I am so glad I took this one!
Upon stepping into 2015, I wanted to recognize how I can improve my critical thinking skills. Understanding that not everyone thinks the same way you do can be quite frustrating at times and often overtakes us with the thought that people are out to get us with their intellectual banter. This, however big a pill to swallow, is not always the case I assure you. A sense of curiosity can perhaps kill the proverbial cat, but generally it leads to a more balanced understanding and appreciation for the values you do & do not hold.
I feel that there is perhaps a lack in critical thinking for many folks these days. It’s not like we always want to jump the gun, but we do this because we are consumed with our own belief systems and couldn’t comprehend or fathom the thought that someone would disagree with our beliefs. Think of it less as a disagreement and more of a gathering of thoughts and information. Perhaps you even have the chance to allow someone to build the framework for understanding a different perspective, possibly one you have that they do not.
Practicing the fine art of critical thinking might be slightly tiresome for me as it would anyone else because it takes a lot of energy to gather and process information and knowledge instead of just taking the next or closest available conclusion – also known as the availability heuristic. Upon reflection, I can say I don’t want to just take an answer for what someone says it may be, I want to allow myself to develop a conclusion through understanding and not assumption. There could be an alternative out there that I am unaware of if I am to rely on only what I know currently.
Some days I wish I was an acoustic hipster singer, other days I wish I was as fast as a mustang horse running across the desert with nothing but the wind in my way. It really all depends on something that is so simple, yet so frustrating to control. The environment I surround my self in. It can be electric like a thousand volts running through my soul – a force driving me so powerful that I cannot stop it. Other days I could easily lose myself in the couch watching re-runs of Big Bang Theory or Law & Order S.V.U. like the tortoise running the race with that damn rabbit. Forget him and his powerful hind legs – pass the popcorn! The echo of productivity resonates within me, but on those particular days it does absolutely nothing – it just gives me a day off and lets me bask in the origin of laziness. Please note the ‘origin of laziness’ – I feel so guilty when I am to extend those times into the depths of laziness for this is not who I am, nor who I want to be.
Our environments are a seasoned predictor of who we are to become. Having long heard of the trials and tribulations of someone such as Jobe, we cannot comprehend why an individual would come across these paths in life. I am not versed extensively on Jobe, but I have heard of him all of my life. It makes me wonder what his environments were like in life – what was the energy around him like? Was he whitewashed with negativity and submissive to the casual tendencies of life to storm down on him? Is this why he came across all of those many unsettling happenings in his life? Well how come he couldn’t just stand up and say “No More! I am DONE with this inapt lifestyle I have been born to!” Maybe because he was predisposed to it, maybe because he chose to live this way, or dare I say it – maybe God chose this life for him. I am unsure as to what the proper answer is, but I will take some lessons from him and make some necessary alterations for my own life as to not allow those wicked unanswered proceedings to overtake me.
Understanding how to address your environment is a task that may at times seem unattainable. The authentication of having power of your own environment is something that somehow escapes us every time we look for it. We cannot have complete control over our environment due to the inability to control the willpower of others, but we do have control over what we do in our environments. We can leave, escape it and leave behind the remnants of what we once might have been. Change it, alter it into a state in which blossoms the truth within ourselves and offers a more suitable attribution to what we want to become. We can organically rebuild ourselves to the sculpture in which we desire, this is what you have power over. Complementing yourself with the right stream of consciousness around you, fitting it in just where it needs to be and giving yourself the understanding to let go of what you cannot control.
When I was young I wanted to have an impact on the world.
I went through different stages of how I would want to accomplish this task. While going through my blood disorder I wanted to become a doctor, after that I wanted to be in a famous band, and after that I wanted to do something in politics.
I dreamed of changing the world, but I could barely get a handle on my own life and the world that surrounds me, never mind the world at large.
With the coming of the new year I finally feel like I have positioned myself to impact the world on a scale far past anything I have done in the past.
In my dreams I always imagined this point arriving much sooner, but I had a lot of lessons to learn up to this point. Changing the world may seem out of…
I know everyone is reflecting on who they were and what they did this year, and I am no stranger to this somewhat defunct tradition that we as people try to harvest new energy from for the following year. I explain it as “defunct” because quite frankly, how many of us are to truly hold steady to our New Years Resolutions? How long might we hold onto them? What will they be? Will they be life changing and hold an impact to not only ourselves but to other around us? If we are able to have an impact on ourselves, we surly should have an impact on others.
This year I am going to think of my New Years Resolution as an originating point for the rest of my life. I have lived 25 years strong on this earth in one fashion – some of which I wasn’t completely in control of having been a child, other times I found myself dabbling in different things but never felt strongly enough about it to stick with it. I feel that now I have enough knowledge within me to make appropriate decisions for myself – body, mind and soul. It’s a refreshing start to the vicious cycle that somehow we all seem to get stuck in somewhere in life. My mother has taught me well enough, and my grandmother has also so this should lay a good foundation for this road I am going to be traveling. I have a quixotic great aunt that helped raise me when my mom needed her most and while abstract as she was, she helped my understanding of life in some of it’s most absurd instances. I have to give praise to individuals I have met along the way in life – whether good or bad, each has taught me something about myself upon reflection.
In starting this new journey (so to say) I am going to probably display a sort of obsessive love for myself. This is to include what I put into my body, what I nourish my mind with, and how my soul is to resonate my ideologies outward. I want to live an organic lifestyle, be a yogi, and take my self more seriously. While the societal definition of obsessive love for one’s self is there, that isn’t my goal. My goal is to love myself enough to allow other people to love me and to love themselves. It’s more of an understanding of the world around me in which I live and how I go about living in it.
“There was a dream and one day I could see it…like a bird in a cage. I broke in & demanded somebody free it.” – The Avett Brothers
It’s like a flick of the light switch turning off and on. Sometimes I think there isn’t anyone home for weeks or months. When the light is on and burning, it’s one bulb is bright enough to reach into even the darkest of corners in the dimmest of settings. It hangs by one cord from the paint-peeling ceiling; the kinked cord reminds me of the years it’s been hanging there getting yanked on and pulled around. I don’t quite remember when it was hung here in this worn out room, but I could probably tell you about every splatter of paint, oil stains, and smear of charcoal on the walls. Smells of wood burning and shavings of soft pine lay a mess on the floor…
My best work has been born when this light is on. Even though it’s a fictitious light, I can still see it and feel it’s warmth.
Lately, this light has been on and burning ever-so-brightly. My imagination has been spawning so many ideas it’s almost maddening. There isn’t enough time in the day for gardening, painting, writing, arranging, decorating, sewing, refinishing, building, burning, carving, and experimental things I want to try. Sometimes I feel like I can’t calm my mind long enough to even take a breath with all of the ideas rolling around in my head waiting to become more than just that…an idea.
When the light gets turned off and the ideas are left paralyzed, it’s tough digging yourself out. Losing the inspiration, the drive, and hitting the brick wall of writers block cripples you. Your creativity isn’t just a way of expressing yourself – it’s a living and breathing thing that pumps the blood through your veins and the oxygen into your lungs.
I hope this light stays on for a while this time. I can’t stand the darkness.